Perfect Human Nightclub
by twilightshadowmidna
Summary: Edward works as a stripper with several others at the Perfect Human nightclub. His boss, Father, watches over them, offering them a place to stay as long as they make him money. One day, Edward finds himself questioning his loyalty to his boyfriend when an adorable newbie shows up. M for smut later on. Envy/Ed, Ed/Al. Yaoi. DON'T LIKE DON'T READ


**My second FMA fic! This will have Homunculi from both series, so considering the circumstances, there will be Wrath, Sloth, and Pride from FMA03, and Greed will be his second form, or Ling.**** However, I will have Father control them.** Any complaints, take it up with someone who cares. Enjoy! I don't own FMA in any way, shape or form.

* * *

"You ready, hotshot?" The green-haired man asked seductively, clad in a skimpy belly shirt and matching skin-tight shorts. A piece of fabric was wrapped around the waistband, almost like a skirt. "This is the first time you've worked on a holiday. I'm warning you, the customers get rowdy~" He tilted the blonde's head up. The boy rolled his eyes, adjusting his similar outfit.

"Envy, quit teasing the boy," a gorgeous black-haired woman in a long split dress scolded. "He's decided he can handle it. He's not _that _innocent."

"But Lust," Envy whined, batting his eyes. "I don't want my shortie soiled by those other guys!"

"Who're you calling short?!" the blonde shouted, irritated. "I'm getting taller!"

"Aww, but Edward-kun~" the other man purred, braiding the blonde's hair. "You're so cute short. Why would we want you tall?"

"You just like feeling controlling when you're in bed with him," Bradley commented, walking into the room.

"No way. I'm not that dumb. I'd let myself be eaten alive before I succumb to Envy's weird fantasies." Edward snatched his hair away from Envy, allowing Sloth to finish the golden-haired braid.

"That can be arranged," Envy said, glancing toward Gluttony, the security. "Ain't that right, Pride? Gluttony will eat anything he's told is food."

"You know my name isn't Pride," the suited man said irritably. Envy merely scoffed. "But yes, our security is rather... simple-minded."

"I should think I can be openly gay without getting stalked by creeps," Edward muttered, smiling. Envy only chuckled.

"Now, everyone, places! We've got quite a crowd waiting for opening time. This year has a lot of desperate and/or lonely people with no one to spend today with. So what do we give them?"

"Lots of love!" the group chorused. Edward looked around, surprised at the full house. Lust, Envy, and the motherly Sloth were there, of course; there were also kiddish Wrath, handsome Greed, and more of the typical waitress types.

"Very good! Father is going to let you keep all tips, since it is Thanksgiving Day. Make sure, however, that the pay for the services themselves go directly to one of us, or there will be consequences." Pride gave them all an innocent smile, ushering the women away.

The club was symmetrical. There was a vestibule that split off into two halls. At the entrance of each hall was a man who would check you in - right for the women, left for the men. At the end of the hall they would check you again, then you were in. Both sides were separated by a thick velvet curtain on the circular stage, turning the stage on either side into a semicircle. The sides were mirror images. On one side of the room was a stairway that led into a long line of rooms. The stage had a walkway through the middle of the room. Opposite from the stage was a bar, and in between them were tables that seated four as well as booths that could seat more. The stage was where the good seats were, where you could get a seat (if you were quick enough) around it on soft cushions that had the best view of the people onstage. Of course, Edward wished they weren't there; it was bad enough when they paid to touch him individually, but all at once for free?

Ed stood next to his pole at the central spot on the stage, Envy in front of him, Wrath to his right, and Greed to his left. Already he could hear men and women chattering down the halls, conflict rising among some who tried to sneak in. Lust, Sloth, and a woman he didn't know (_Anfa? Lana? something like that, all he knew was that she was Xingese)_ were behind them, the curtain not pulled down yet. As people filed in and rushed for good seats, Pride came out into the middle of the stage.

"Welcome, one and all, to the Perfect Human Nightclub. As you know, we strive to make you, the customer, feel special. I'd like to remind you that for a price we provide individual attention. Enjoy your stay with our lovely men and ladies!" He stepped offstage, signalling Gluttony to send the curtain down. Edward sighed inwardly, mentally preparing himself.

Several of the men in front wolf-whistled as the four boys twirled and danced, personalities from earlier untraceable. Edward had no clue how Envy could stand the men reaching for him, touching and clawing at his legs, trying to grope him. Envy shrugged them off, grinning seductively towards the end of their shift. "Remember, boys, no touching if you're not paying."

The men immediately scrambled over one another, bills in their fists. Envy shook his head, pulling Edward off the stage to let others take their spots. Edward rolled his eyes.

"You're not supposed to reject them, Envy," he muttered. "It loses the club points. Father will punish all of us if we lose business." His irritation grew as the green-haired man chuckled.

"Oh, come on," Envy said huskily. "Why waste my time on them when I could be having fun with you?" He leaned down and planted a kiss on Edward's lips.

Edward pulled away, blushing. "I thought Father told you not during work hours."

"You worry too much, shortie," Envy replied carelessly. "Look, someone wants you to give them a good time. Have fun!" The older man pushed him into a customer.

Ed turned and growled at Envy, then turned to the young man. "What would you like?" he asked, pretending to be interested. The boy was around his age.

"I-uh-"

"You're new, are you?" The boy nodded. "Well, I offer blowjobs, handjobs, stripping, make-outs, sex, and the whole package. Or, if you're interested, just someone to talk to."

"W-Well..." Edward took his silence as an opportunity to observe and get a good look at him. He was a tad bit shorter than himself(who wasn't exactly the tallest person alive) with auburn hair and gold eyes. Ed almost started. Gold eyes were rare. The only people he knew that had gold eyes were Father and himself. Mentally, he shook himself before continuing, noticing his buttoned up shirt, vest, and dress pants were wrinkled and shabby. It seemed to fit with his seemingly desperate and pitiful demeanor. His battered suitcase said Alphonse Elric in gold letters.

"How about this," Edward said suddenly, startling the boy in front of him. "I'll take you into the room, and whatever winds up happening is what I'll charge you for."

Alphonse nodded, face now as red as a tomato, glad Edward had been the one to suggest it. "U-Uh... yeah... lead the way, I guess..."

Ed pulled him into a room with the number 11 on the door, pulling a tie out of the dresser and tying it on the doorknob outside before closing and locking it. Edward, having done this way too many times to count, pushed Alphonse onto the bed. "Alphonse, right?" The boy nodded nervously. "Top or bottom?"

"Er-what?"

Edward rolled his eyes at the boy's innocence. "Top or bottom? Pitcher or catcher? Seme or uke?"

Alphonse's blush, which had started to fade, came back full force. "I-I don't understand."

"Let me spell it out for you." Edward climbed on top of Alphonse and straddled his hips. "Do you want me to fuck you senseless, or the other way around?"

Alphonse's eyes widened. "I... I don't wanna..." He cleared his throat. "I'm... having second thoughts."

Edward leaned back with an exasperated sigh, running his fingers through his hair. "So this was a waste of my time?" he demanded harshly. He started to get up and leave.

"Wait!" Edward turned. "You said you'd be a listener, right? You'll still get paid! I know this life's gotta be hard on you, so my problems must seem tiny... but I could certainly use some way to vent..."

The sorry look on Alphonse face had Edward's own softening. He sat with his legs crossed on the bed. "What's the problem?"

"I... I usually don't go to places like this. I just thought-what do I have to lose? I can't get a job, I'm stuck on welfare, my girlfriend cheated on me, my ex-boyfriend abused me, my friend has to move because of his military job..." Alphonse twirled a strand of hair between his fingers. "My life is a mess right now. I can't ask anyone for help, that would be selfish. I'm finding it impossible to make everything better because I can't even make a start without a job. I live on food stamps and I'm debating whether or not to move into my friend's house, but that would be selfish too. I just can't figure out what to do..."

Normally in these situations Edward would stare off into space out of boredom, but Alphonse's suffering called to him. He was reminded of his own life before Father given him a job. He'd never known parents and ran away from several foster families, choosing to live on the streets rather than the too-perfect homes with their too-perfect people and their too-clean kitchens. Starving every night yet enjoying the thrill of living seemed so much better than being well-fed in the boring life as a captive in a blank world.

"E-Edward?" Ed snapped out of his thoughts. "That is your name, right?" Ed nodded, and Alphonse smiled. "Thanks for listening. It's probably a waste of your time, so I really appreciate it..."

Edward smiled back, making Alphonse smile. The blonde couldn't help noticing how the gentle curve of his lips seemed to make his eyes sparkle. "I wasn't unlike you when I was younger... just take some time and straighten your life out. Stress is your main problem; you're worrying too much. Take some time, relax, and figure out what you need to do. Don't expect salvation to come, and it just might."

Alphonse picked up his suitcase. "How much do I owe you?"

Edward tapped his chin lightly, then smiled. "How about you pay me when you have a job?" His smile turned mischievous. He grabbed Alphonse by the front of the shirt and pulled down, giving him a quick kiss. "I like you. Come visit me again tomorrow. This place is so boring."

Alphonse stammered. "U-Uh... S-Sure thing. But won't you get in trouble for not making money?"

"I can just take that out of my tips."

"But-"

"Oh, come on! It's worth spending time with a man like you." Ed pushed him out the door. "Go on, then! I've got regulars waiting."

"No you don't," came Envy's voice. "Not at the moment." The man glared at Alphonse, shoving him toward the stairs, nearly causing him to fall. "Go on. He told you to leave, didn't he?"

"Envy-"

"No, I'm going," Alphonse said quickly. He waved briefly at Edward before departing.

Envy clicked his tongue impatiently, waiting until the auburn-haired boy was out of sight. He roughly pushed Edward into the room. Edward staggered and heard the door slam. "What the hell?"

"I should be asking you that!" Envy spat. He grabbed Edward's arm. "What was that?!"

"What was _what__?!" _Edward pulled his arm free and glared at his boyfriend. "I was doing my job-nothing more!"

"Then what was that little display there? I recognized that look on your face!"

"What look?!"

"The look you give only me. The one that should be seen by no eyes but _mine_." Edward was aware of what he was talking about now. He'd felt a certain affection for that boy earlier. It was like they were connected by their hardships... but it was nothing like what he had with Envy.

"Come on, Envy," he tried, suddenly desperate. He didn't need Envy to go on another rampage - last time he'd wound up in the hospital for a month. "You know I'm yours. I would never go after another man." They didn't call him Envy for nothing. "Come on, think about it."

Envy pulled him close. He breathed deeply. "I just... I'd hate to lose you. I know I'm obsessive and rude and hateful, but I really love you. You know that, right?"

Edward leaned up and kissed him. "Of course I do. You always tell me this."

Envy snorted. "When we're in bed where my only feeling is lust? That doesn't count."

"Why so serious?" Edward asked.

"Hey, I've gotta have my emotional scenes just like anyone else." Envy stole another kiss. "Now it's over. What say you to joining me after work for a drink or five?"

Edward sighed. "Can't. I've gotta help Winry with something."

Envy smirked. "We'll just bring her with us. Have a little fun!"

"Somehow I don't think she'd go for that."

"Alright, shortie," the green-haired man sighed.

"You can join me, though," Edward offered. "I'm sure she could use an extra hand."

"Ugh, manual labor?" Envy waved his hand. "I'll pass."

"You're useless," the blonde groaned. "Fine. We should get back to work or Father will be mad."

"Whatever," Envy muttered.

They continued at work until about 3 in the morning when the club closed. Edward dragged himself to his room, finally letting the exhaustion show. Holidays were extremely draining. It didn't help that he had the promise of immediately having to deal with Winry right after. Oh well, at least he had a couple of hours before her shop opened. Maybe he could catch a couple hours of much-needed sleep...

...or stay up for three hours thinking about the boy from earlier.

Edward cursed at himself while he changed. He knew better than to deny that he was attracted to the boy, but it was still irritating that his thoughts were of nothing but Alphonse Elric. His pretty long auburn hair tied at the back of his head, adorable smile, and his eyes, oh those gorgeous eyes... the eyes that sparkled whenever he smiled, the eyes that trapped him in their piercing gaze, the eyes that reflected the owner as a kind-hearted, selfless individual. Ed swore loudly.

He was falling in love with another man.

* * *

Winry pulled him into the apartment. "Great! You're here! I need a model!"

"I know," Edward grumbled. "You've been pestering me all week. Why can't you ask someone else? What about that friend of yours, Riza?"

"She and Roy were busy," Winry replied, causing Ed to wince. "They're on a vacation. Oh..." Her face fell when she noticed Edward grimace. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking..."

"It's fine." Edward threw his bag onto the sofa. "Alright, what are you making today?"

"A right arm," his friend said happily. "For a preteen. You're the perfect size to experiment on."

"OI! WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' SHORT?!"

"Well maybe if you'd drink your milk-"

"NO."

Winry rolled her eyes. "Alright, whatever. Let me make measurements." She pulled out a tape measure and began measuring arm length, finger span, etc.

Winry Rockbell was an engineer fresh out of college. She invented something she liked to call automail. Automail is a word she created for the mechanical limbs she was constructing. They connected to the nerves in a dismembered arm to allow for movement like an actual arm. The drawback was that they were heavy and took a while to get used to. Edward personally thought it was a fantastic idea, but Winry was having a hard time getting a patent and customers. Edward was one of her many models.

"Ed, could you do me a favor?"

"That'll add to the list. There's already thirteen that you owe me."

"I know, I know!" Winry sat down in a rolling chair and began recording the data she had collected. "I need you to find someone to advertise for me! Go to the plaza and talk to people, head to the hospital and ask them to ask their patients! Anything would help."

Edward shrugged. "Why not? I don't work tomorrow. But at the same time, I want to call in one of those favors."

Winry spun around to face him. "...what?"

"You have to make stew for dinner."

Winry nodded, smirking. "Of course. You have to get your dose of milk to grow big and strong."

"Oi! I'm plenty strong already!" Edward huffed, crossing his arms. "Don't screw around with me!"

"Alright," Winry responded, turning back around to gather her materials.

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**Okay peoples! First attempt! Tell me how it was! I have some stuff planned out but not entirely, so I'm kinda just gonna go with the flow here. PMs and reviews are appreciated! Critique me, but don't be mean, okay? Ja ne~**


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